Disability Limbo

The feeling of helplessness is overwhelming

For the past year, since February 20th, 2025, I have been in disability Limbo. Meaning I have been waiting for a year for a determination on my claim for social security disability.

The waiting has been excruciating. Not only because I’m impatient in general, but because my partner and I have had to live in poverty while waiting. In regards to my ability, I can only physically work 1-2 days per week for a max of maybe 5-6 hours. And even then sometimes I have to leave for getting a migraine which can be chronic, my body stiffening up from Fibromyalgia and becoming painful, or my sensory processing being overwhelmed by the light and sound around me. There’s more. But I’m not here to list symptoms.

I’m here to talk about how the US purposefully forces those with disability into poverty while they wait for a decision, because they have no other choice when they can’t work. Let me repeat that. There is no other choice. I can’t just pull myself up by my boot straps and push through it. It’s chronic pain that is constant and debilitating.

Our disability system pushes one into a year or more of feelings of helplessness, desperation, and even worse thoughts. I would be lying if I said I haven’t had suicidal thoughts because I felt like my society just wants me to die for having a disability. The waiting is a cruel torture.

I have looked for part time jobs besides the one I have that is inconsistent at best, I’ve tried. For the past ten years I’ve looked for a job that will accommodate me on a part time schedule. None were willing. Even when I worked for the state of Oregon, accommodations I asked for like covering the bright fluorescent light above my desk was “against policy” and something they refused to budge on. Even if they gave no reason as to why it’s even a policy. It’s simply ableism.

Capitalism as an entity, rejects disabled people. We’re too much trouble. We’re not worth the money. They don’t want our labor just because they have to do something different for us than other workers. We are considered a rusty cog in their perfect machine.

As someone who has had to live with my disabilities for over two years now, and someone who suddenly became chronically ill, the way I am treated by our government is unconscionable. Not even mentioning the shit show that the current administration has turned Social security into, because if they can make the system difficult and ineffective, then they will have an excuse to shut it down. That’s what I, and every disabled person in the US that’s on it, is deathly afraid of. Because that means death, systematic death, to us.

I still don’t have a date for when I will get answers to my disability case. And according to the statistics, I will have to appeal anyway, taking another year. I feel privileged to have a partner that can support me a good amount. Most do not have that. Most don’t make it.